Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
