Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
