we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
