I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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