So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
