Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
