My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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