Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
