Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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