Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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