Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
