So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
