Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize