I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
