ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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