my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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