i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize