I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
