By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
