Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
