Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
