In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(