I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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