someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
