I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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