okay pat passed out under dana's car
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
