Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
