why didn't you poke me back
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
