I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's always time for handjobs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Text me some of your sweat
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