how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
