Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
