she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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