the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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