Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
