I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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