I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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