Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
