remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
