if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
