there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
