i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
