apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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