I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
