My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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