Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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