I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
