She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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