I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
