and you said cock pushups were impossible
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
