I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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