the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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