Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
