I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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