omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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