If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize