Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
