Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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