fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
