Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
