You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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