if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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