and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
