So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
