Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My bed smells like the plague
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
